Public show of aggression and how to manage difficult behavior in kids


Video screen capture by STOMP

A distressed mother was captured on video scolding and hitting a boy at 313@Somerset on 19th Mar 2022 outside Sushi Express. The video went viral after being posted on Stomp!


Article: https://stomp.straitstimes.com/singapore-seen/woman-twists-boys-ear-in-public-police-investigating-after-stomp-reader-lodges-report


Watch the video here:

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1274291046393815


Scolded Publicly for not listening and not tying his shoelaces


So the story went viral today about an angry mother scolding her boy for not knowing or wanting to tie his shoelaces properly.


The mother also allegedly kicked the boy twice, also pulling and twisting his ear.


A police report was made


While the original Stomper that posted the video did not lodge a police report, another Stomp reader took it upon himself to file the report with the police, and an investigation is now ensuing.


Knowing your options and handling it


There are many things that we can learn from this situation. Situational awareness,

handling pressure, and even as a bystander, how we can better help the situation instead of filming, shaming, and making a police report.


But let's dissect this situation and see how we can help mums better handle this situation properly and build a positive culture in managing a child's bad behavior.

Parents with more mischievous children will attest to how their kids will sometimes test them continuously until a fuse blows. And as super as mums can be, sometimes we just can't help the situation when coupled with all that stress piling up from everywhere else.


There are a few things we must be aware of before you let that lioness out of its cave.

  1. You are in public!

  2. No one knows how stressed you are!

  3. Your child knows how to get to you!

  4. There are kaypohs with cameras everywhere!

  5. Your outburst does not define who you are!


Now that we know how complicated it can become when you lose your cool, what can we do to defuse the situation?

  1. Check yourself. You are not going to make any wise choices when you are having so many negative emotions.

  2. It is ok to walk away from the situation and allow some time to tell yourself there is a better way to do this.

  3. Quietly bring your child aside to somewhere more private and stay firmly quiet for a while.

  4. Explain clearly what you expect and that activities will not continue until your child decides to listen.

  5. Your calm firmness will likely bring about de-escalation and a better response from your child.

  6. Show your child whose boss. Try not to be reactionary because it only gives your child knowledge on how to get to you. A child is more likely to respect a calm, collected, and serious adult.

Let us take a look at this father now and how he handles his daughter's meltdown.





How to command authority?

  1. Commanding authority requires you to stay firm without saying too much. Reduce the number of words and get right to the point.

  2. There must be clear incentives and clearer punishments. If you are not consistent, then the good behavior will not be consistent.

  3. There is actually no need for physical punishment if you can figure out what privileges you can take away that can be just as effective in altering a behavior.

Put aside your violence, guilt, and resentment.


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If you shout, scream, and hit your child. There is a chance you will feel guilty about the episode after calming down, and even start to treat your child nicely to remove your own guilt.



Imagine what sort of message that tells your child?

Mummy punishes me for being naughty, but after punishment, I get awesome things.

Sounds very much like negative reinforcement while trying to rid the guilt you first created. The child now knows that there are incentives for bad behavior and you become open to manipulation.


This way of managing guilt is really common and mostly unintentional. But it clearly reinforces bad behaviors even when violence was initially used to manage this in the first place.


So manage violent outbursts and focus on constructive punishments that lead to structured outcomes.


The purpose of punishments


Punishments have to bring the behavior to a halt in the most merciful manner while remaining effective. It must also satisfy your need for order and justice so you don't carry resentment and irritation to your child's behavior.


Firmly take away privileges and let your child work to gain back your trust. Treat them as the world would treat them, without your protection and they will learn to trust you and you will also learn to trust them.


Don't kid yourself about how nice a person you are, and feel guilty about the punishment. Your priority is to prevent your authority diluted by a meltdown from a two, eight, or even teen child.


Positive reinforcement


It is difficult for a parent to hold authority if every behavioral issue is tackled with negativity and punishments. In fact, children sometimes do not understand the concept of discipline and are more often testing limits to understand where they are.


Constant punishments and reprimanding can cause the child to mistake that they are not loved, and parents simply want to hurt them for misbehaving.

In fact positive reinforcements help build self-esteem, long-term changes, and more importantly trust with your child.

Good outcomes take time and effort, and challenges are there to make you stronger and better as a person. Your child is not your enemy...stress is. So acknowledge your stress and find ways to deal with it calmly so that you can avoid that dreaded public showing of aggression.


#publicshowofaggression #parentalauthority #handlingmeltdowns



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